grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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