In the future we'll all be gay
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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