you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
organizing the empties. That sober.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
