you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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