Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
