okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
