I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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