Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Randomize
