What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
