wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
