My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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