Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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