Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
