I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
