tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
sex in a hospital.. check
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
