but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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