tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
