didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
