you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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