i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is Oprah even human
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
