I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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