no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We are all done wearing pants today
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I can feel your judgement through the phone
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
