He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
