sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The uberlube is also flammable
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
