I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
bring money and cleavage
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
