I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
