So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
