I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
