A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
