she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
