I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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