I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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