i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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