apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
