Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
