They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
