My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
