I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
