i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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