I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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