I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
