I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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