I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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