I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
