Apparently you make a good broom.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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