the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
