I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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