she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
