So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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