I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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