i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
