I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
