Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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