you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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