he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
