i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
