Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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